I feel like day by day I get more violent but only to a certain extent, I'm sure if I write about violence it will let itself out that way. I just want to make it all end faster, but not in a "stay away from sharp objects" more so a "stay in bed more" way.
I'm pretty sure I need a therapist, I doubt I'm getting one anytime soon though. My mom says I can "tell her everything" but I've tried telling her things in the past, and guess what: I cannot in fact tell her everything.
She's an oxymoron in that regard, claiming to listen but not. It's annoying actually, almost as annoying as people saying "I don't know" on a discord server when you ask a question.
Worse is, she also doesn't take in any of it and starts saying that what I think is wrong, not even letting me explain myself, she shouts and it's bad and I don't like it very much methinks.
So if the “therapy” option isn’t available, and so is the “mom” option, the third option is ranting to what is either the void, a ridiculous amount of internet strangers, or something in between.
Worst case scenario is a youtuber finding this website and saying I’m cringe, which would have me getting cyber bullied on the internet and this would then have me cause a horrific incident to myself or someone else. This would end with a bunch of people on Tumblr or Tiktok or whatever saying “oh look how we failed this young person guys, lets all get sad about it”
I’m looking too far into the future with that last scenario, making too many assumptions. Someone I know online once told me that I might have anxiety, I don’t think I do. I’m pretty sure I don’t have that knocking around my braincase. I should stop with that and end this blog post here.